Transitioning to a new Nanny Family
I was with my previous family for almost 5 years before I had to move on. We had been through a lot together and they were (still are) my family. My first day with them mom boss went into labor with her second child; I stayed home with the then 2.5 year old big brother. It's something amazing when you truly become part of your charges family; we went through hard times and good times. I know that had I been struggling they would have been right there with me supporting me through it. They helped plan my wedding and met my family, mom boss even did my hair and make-up. I know them through and through; baby girl (now 7!) especially, is a piece of me and her parents would agree. Unfortunately, once the children started full time school, they could no longer keep me for the hours I needed to survive in NYC. At first I was anxious, but mostly optimistic, about starting again. I needed more money to pay the bills and to afford to have a life outside of work and so I looked forward to the idea of not struggling financially and also being able to bond with a new little one. Of course I knew I would miss my old family; the kids were my kids and the idea of leaving them broke my heart. But I knew I'd see them; they're family and I still see them often.
When you move on there's always some grief at losing what was; but it is also an exciting time becoming part of another family's journey and helping them through the joys and challenges that come with raising little ones.
Common transitional concerns:
Feeling a sense of loss at no longer being with your previous NannyFamily.
Feeling guilt at having left them (even if it was a necessary move for your future and well-being).
Having to build a whole new relationship with a family you don’t know that well yet and having to prove yourself to them at the same time.
Possible disputes with your new NannyFamily over contractual issues such as salary, hours, holidays, etc.
Tips for a smoother transition:
Assuming that things ended on good terms with your previous NannyFamily and neither of you moved away, be sure to make a plan to visit them a few times in the month following your last day. This will help both sides see that the relationship is not over; it hasn’t ended just because you no longer work for them. I still try to see my previous NannyKids at least once a month, whether it be for a simple dinner or a day trip. It definitely helps us all to remember that we’re still a big part of each other’s lives.
Don’t expect your new NannyFamily to take the place as your previous NannyFamily. It took me a while to realize and accept that it took 5 years to reach the level of comfort, trust, respect, and mutual love that I have with my previous employers. These bonds are not formed overnight and it’s not fair to either party to hold such unrealistic expectations. Give it time. The relationship you had with your previous NannyFamily has not been lost; it is not something that needs to be replaced.
Accept that there will be an adjustment period where you’ll have to acclimate to the new family and their lifestyle. All families are different and have different philosophies and practices, whether they be small things like whether or not they buy organic, or larger things such as co-sleeping or CIO (Cry It Out) methods. Much of this should have been discussed at the interview stages (remember that this stage isn’t just about them interviewing you; you are deciding if they are a good fit for you as well), so you should have a good idea of what to expect. However, it is normal that there will be things you’ll need to get used to.
If you’ve given it a reasonable adjustment time and you are still feeling uneasy about your new role with your new family, arrange to have a chat with them (either formally or informally, depending on what you feel makes more sense for you). Use this time to discuss how you think things are going on your end, and to bring up any concerns that you may have. This idea was very daunting to me. I am terrible at confrontation, and I tend to forget everything I had wanted to say. It helps to write down everything that is on your mind and have that with you during the discussion. At the very least, you’ll be able to see how they react to your concerns; a good indicator of how the future with them will be. If they disregard your concerns, maybe this isn’t the right family for you to be working for.
3 years later and once again I have a nanny family that I truly love; we are on the same team and respect each other. Communication and mutual understanding is key to maintaining these relationships and keeping them strong!
Published by Nanny Magazine
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