Mom or Nanny?

So I'm in the playground with my 19 month old charge when a mom approaches us with her similarly aged son and strikes up a conversation. I've been here before; it’s clear to me that this mom is looking for a mom friend, not the nanny. It’s an uncomfortable feeling knowing that the person you’re chatting with about sleep schedules and preschool applications is really not interested in getting your opinion on these issues. I always feel bad for destroying the illusion that they have found a fellow mom to befriend for playdates and coffee dates; to have someone going through the same thing as them in having their first child. They're not looking for nanny friends; not because they deem us as less than (not always), but because it's a whole different ball game when it's your own child and it helps to have people around you who are going through similar things. I get it. I'm not offended when that look of disappointment washes over their face when I answer, for instance, the question: "where do you guys live?" with "oh.. well [insert child's name] here lives downtown but I'm uptown". And there it is; the slap in the face they'd hoped wouldn't come. It happens a lot with my new charge as he could easily be confused as my son; we look similar and he is at the right age where he could legitimately be mine. A mom in our music class asked me to lunch one day. I knew she thought I was his mom and that she wouldn’t want to have lunch once she found out I was his nanny; so I let her down gently, taking the pressure off her to reject me afterwards and not feel bad about it. It did make me realize that it must be a lot like dating, looking for mom friends. You put yourself out there not finding anyone you’d actually want to spend a significant amount of time with, then you do, you connect and it turns out they’re married or live in Timbuktu. So here I am, apologizing to all you new moms just looking for other new moms to connect with. I'm sorry I'm not what you are looking for. I hope you find it.

Published by Nanny Magazine

@nannymagazine